Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
