I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
