So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
