I got chris browned last night
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
