woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize