You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
