if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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