Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
