every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
