Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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