Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
