is wine microwaveable?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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