my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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