Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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