The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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