I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
