C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
