i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
