he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
