yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
