Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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