to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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