Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
did you just send me my own nude
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
