We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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