sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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