drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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