the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
