Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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