Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I didn't notice because vodka
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize