I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
