that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
