I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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