It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
