He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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