having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
