Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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