About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
