they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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