so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
