He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
