Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
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