sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
