I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize