there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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