Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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