Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
