I'm eating all of the evidence.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize