Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
