I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
