sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
