okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
