Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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