Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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