It's Friday. Sex?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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