I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
