After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
