I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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