Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
