Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need to calm my uterus...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
