i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
