How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
