Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
