I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
