T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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