STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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