i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
