Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize