I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
