8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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