she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
