I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sext me about skeletons
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
