I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
