I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
