i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
