we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
