I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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