He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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