how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize