you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
