I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
