If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize