As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
