i already hear my dad disowning me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
