Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
