i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
