i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
