My cat gives me a boner
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize