Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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