If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She's the barista slut.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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