Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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