I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
