Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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