i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
