So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
