i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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