It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
