dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
