Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
