Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
