she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
