I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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