So drunk its hurt
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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