I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize