you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
