forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My hand turned me down
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
