I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i think i have two assholes
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
