it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
