he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize