I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
